Soooo after a month of trying, I have given up trying to get my 7900xtx setup back from my ex.
I have been grinding at work using a ryzen 5500U handheld with a smashed display and a usb-c dock as my stopgap system.
This is what I have settled on as the replacement:
https://pcpartpicker.com/list/GGrhwY
My primary usecase is g*ming, although my most played titles are HEAVILY cpu bound to the point that an Arc B580 would do in the counterfactual world where Intel did not operate factories on destroyed Palestinian villages.
The 9070xt is a gambit that ML hype keeps prices inflated through the launch of UDNA in 3 years.
Zen 6 16c is the goal, and I do not think it is a safe bet that RAM will stay cheap until its release.
I remember reading a benchmark from a while back that said that for big data processing tasks like my bioinformatics consulting, you want each thread to have at least 3G of RAM available to it.
I also play EVE-O where I have ten accounts (4 capital pilots, six cyno/scout), and that even on potato mode with resource cache disabled, would fill 32GB on awesomeWM with discord open.
I am now re-considering if the prospect of being able to take on additional $100 gigs in a pay period is worth the $300 delta from a 9600x to a 9950x.
e:grammar
Ah, if you do mpi adjacent stuff, carry on
some hog shit might want 8-16 gigs per thread even, so you probably wanna be on the knowing more specs side (the shape of our datasets determines the future of our compute and things of that nature 
)
( allegedly amd will make 24 core on zen6
)
(Also, speeds of 4 sticks ddr5, if you are planning to upgrade to them, are notoriously dogshit, so might be a good idea to hit the search on what speeds are achievable on your motherboard, from the top of my head msi was the best in that area, but ymmv)