Okay, writing the title I feel like the answer is obvious but bear with me.

Growing up, I had a male friend for 10+ years. We fell out of touch, and 5 years later I discovered that they transitioned and they now go by a different name.

Of course I’m happy for her now, but I’m not sure how to refer to her in the context of our friendship. For example, bringing up an old story to my family. Suppose her deadname is Sam and she is now called Sarah.

Should I say, Sarah and I used to…

Or Sam and I used to…

I never knew her after her transition, but I suppose she was always a her?

I don’t mean to be offensive, I’m just ignorant :)

  • StillNoLeftLeft [none/use name, she/her]@hexbear.netEnglish
    2·
    1 day ago

    So I have a trans stepkid that I of course knew when she was a kid and not yet transitioned.

    I call her by her name. There is only one.

    And if we talk about memories when she was not yet officially her, I use her name. Because the name she had she never was.

    Sometimes my mind slips and I accidentally refer to her by her deadname in my head (as that is how I knew her then), but it doesn’t justify it.

    Edit. I also don’t get the question really. People who get married and change their lastnames aren’t referred to by their previous name, no matter how little contact there is with them. Provided that you know the new name, you use it. How is this any different?