From the comments:

It’s the 90s super skinny model trend coming back just like cropped t-shirts, baggy pants, and tennis skirts. I think it’s stupid but it’s just another regression from progress for some reason…

I was overweight through my teens and into my adult life. I finally got down to a healthy weight by having a partner who would hold me accountable about working out and eating healthy. I am at a healthy weight now (not my ideal) but I have fat in the wrong places that I can’t get rid of (lower belly, thighs). I look good in most clothes, but I hate wearing bathing suits and yoga pants (I love yoga so I still do) because they emphasize those parts. 😭

I guess to answer the question, most of the time I’m good with the way my body looks with clothes on, but I struggle with it still.

Also, anyone who has lost major weight knows it takes a long time for your body to “bounce back” (the saggy skin drawing back) and my body isn’t quite finished with that yet. I will say, it’s so much better than it was for anyone experiencing this. It just takes time.

I know it must be hard to internalize, especially when what you are looking for is a reason this thing happened, but we are, at least to some extent, victims of our circumstances and random chance. Blaming yourself, especially in such a nebulous way (unless you were actually a real terrible person in the past?) is only destructive and brings no positivity to your life.

And no, being envious of your nephew doesn’t make you an asshole, it’s all part of grieving. But it is ultimately destructive and negative, so learning to let go is a good idea. And I believe you will in time. Idk how long it’s been since your wife died, but what you’re going through seems pretty understandable considering the circumstances. Good on you for going to therapy, that is an important step, even if only to beat back the isolation one can put themselves in while grieving. Keep your head up. I don’t know you, but I don’t think even the woo woo gods would see fit to take your wife unless you intentionally killed someone - I mean, an eye for an eye, right? If you want to believe in karma woo woo, then believe that you’ve got to put positivity back into the world because you need it in your life. That would be a self fulfilling prophecy.

Hang in there, comrade. ❤️