In my dreams, you lay your sorrow on the table, and the air between us is soft and we have time.
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Mask up, love one another, and stay alive for one more week.
Too scared to call therapist
Still too scared to call the therapist. I don’t know if it’s going to be a consultation or if I’m just scheduling the consultation. I want to just go in person but I don’t know if it’s an option.
I’m too scared to pick up the phone. I’ll just never make calls again. I feel like an idiot. Like I can’t make myself do this, I keep trying and sitting on the website and staring at it. I would rather dissociate and daydream for 10 hours than make this call.
I do not think I can make myself do it. Which means I’ll never make autistic friends or queer friends. Fuck. Like I’m completely fucked. I’m fucked.
Like in my brain it would be easier if something happened to me, and then it’s out of my hands. People would care about me because the situation demands it. It’s not me chipping away, wearing people down with inane questions for months because people said “ask questions” and “be persistent”. The war of attrition that is neurotypical socialization is a fucking travesty.
I can’t do it. I’d literally rather cry and scream and break things. I wish I could spontaneously combust. That would feel better than this. I can’t make the phone call and will get worse until I do and I’m selfish for hoping anyone has anything uplifting to say, if previous attempts to open up are anything to go off of
Idk what to do anymore. I can’t make myself do this. I can’t. I don’t know how. I’m too scared. Like I’m gonna throw my phone out the window or something or like scream idk. I can’t.
The office is closed for the day. Guess I’ll do drugs and watch porn or something until it’s time to be too scared to call tomorrow. Like I’m gonna fucking die holy fucking shit
Is it possible to send an email instead and explain that you have phone anxiety? I’m really sorry you’re going through this :/ It’s not as urgent but I’ve been procrastinating calling my dentist for half a year now due to anxiety. It’s weird how something that is so easy on paper can be so difficult in reality.