I can’t bear to look at the state of this world anymore. We’re not starting from square one, we’re starting from square negative fucking one hundred. There’s a time limit to improving this world and stopping things from getting worse, but we’re either nearing it or already past it. Palestine was a major litmus test for this world, and the world has failed the test miserably. If there was some sort of consequence for failing the test, and if it were merciful, it would have wiped humanity off the face of the planet in an instant, not let it drag on like this…

I just can’t bother with China’s breakthroughs or achievements anymore. My reactions to whatever breakthrough China makes nowadays is just an indifferent “so?” Because let’s be honest, how much of an impact is it really going to have? Is it going to change the fact that the world is an evil fascist place that is teetering towards destruction (or permanent fascist hegemony)? Is it going to change the fact that Israel is an unstoppable force due to being supported by damn near every country on the Earth?

I think about dying a lot. I think about the eternal peace death will finally bring me. That “hope” exists only to trick you into staying on this Earth, only to be disappointed when that hope doesn’t come to pass, and the world only gets worse instead. Death is an escape. Maybe the only way out is to realize that the world as we know is a scam. Everything is a scam. “Hope” tricks you into staying. Hope tricks you into investing into a future that will never come. Because it’s a scam. It’s all a fucking scam. The setup. Oh god the setup. It’s all set up for failure. It’s like this by design. Who designed this?

If you live, you live as a chew toy for fascists to laugh at. Why? Because they win and they don’t stop winning. If you die, they at least have one less chew toy to play with. Plus, you leave them in a dying world that they have to contend with, so who’s the real loser here? And even then, if they end up building their eternal paradise on earth (most likely possibility because the universe loves to rig things in the fascists’ favor every time), you at least won’t have to be alive to watch it happen.

And so I start fantasizing about jamming a knife into my throat repeatedly, or blowing my fucking brains out and having my bodily fluids splattered all over the room and making a huge fucking mess. A noose? Drug overdose? Nah nah nah those are too clean, not messy enough, not explosive enough. I need to make a mess. I need to send a message, something that says “I AM FREE. I AM FUCKING FREE!!! ENJOY LIVING IN THIS SHITHOLE WORLD ASSHOLES!!!” But I’m so scared of killing myself. Maybe it’s a mindeset thing. Maybe I gotta psyche myself up enough to do it. Make a show out of it.

Don’t call it a ‘suicide’ call it ‘rage-quitting from life’

Tell me, is civilization worth it if this is how it ended up? Mars and Venus and even fucking gas giants seem so peaceful, because there is no evil being perpetrated by humanity there. And now fuckers like Elon Musk want to infect other planets and ruin that peace.

I’m crashing out so hard I might make more posts in this comm in quick succession but I don’t want to look like i’m spamming.