How to become a US citizen:
- be white
- gladiatorial combat
The Charter Cities Institute beat them to it with their plan to do the same thing with Guantanamo Bay.
the crimes of this guilty land will never be purged away but with blood
what if, instead we create a reality TV show where the contestants are all people who come up with ideas like this.
and the game is to spin a wheel, where if you get the good outcome, you get to keep all of your kidneys.
the bad outcome means one of them goes to whoever is at the top of the donor list.
the game is called Patriotic Sacrifice. and 50 years from now, it’s revealed that the wheel was rigged and that’s why they all lost their kidneys.
this knowledge is met with a collective wry chuckle.
Okay I will admit it would be pretty funny to see petite bourgeoise gusanos forced to run a takeshi’s castle gauntlet for citizenship.
deleted by creator
“The Department of Homeland Security receives hundreds of television show pitches a year,” she said in a statement. “Each proposal undergoes a thorough vetting process prior to denial or approval.”
Ah yes, homeland security involves reviewing slop television pitches.
The losing contestants will go home with “iconically American” prizes, including a million American Airlines points, a $10,000 Starbucks gift card, and a lifetime supply of 76 gasoline. They will also have a leg up as they undergo the traditional citizenship process.
The big winner, meanwhile, will get sworn in as an American citizen on Capitol Hill by “a top American politician or judge.”
edit:
But the Homeland Security secretary has remained unfazed by the criticism: “Every day I wake up and there’s new criticisms,” she told Fox News last month. “It’s something different every single day, so I try not to pay attention to the noise.”
The losing contestants will go home with “iconically American” prizes, including a million American Airlines points, a $10,000 Starbucks gift card, and a lifetime supply of 76 gasoline.
I can’t tell if this is satire or not
Imagine being a losing contestant, getting your million american airline points, and then getting deported to el salvador anyway when you try to use them.
USAmerican culture is vacation, starbucks and cars.
Hey chat can you help me balance the budget?
- $0 for education
- $0 for infrastructure
- $0 for medicine
- $17,121 to deport someone
- $10,000 on Starbucks gift cards
- 45,000 gallons of gas starting at $4.17 per gallon
Really struggling with this.
Yeah, we invented negative numbers for a reason! If you just take more money away from education, infrastructure, and medicine, you’ll have more left to deport someone
Who loves you, and who do you loooove?!
“Kristi Noem!”
YES!
I’m just picturing Trump as Dynamo now
As if he could hit those soprano notes.
Kristi Noem reportedly wants the U.S. citizenship process to play out in front of the cameras.
The Homeland Security secretary has been working with writer and producer Rob Worsoff to pitch a reality TV show—titled The American—where immigrants will compete in a string of challenges across the country “for the honor of fast-tracking their way to U.S. citizenship,” according to the Daily Mail.
Citing a copy of Worsoff’s 35-page program pitch, the Daily Mail reported that the Canadian-born producer aims to “celebrate what it means to be American and have a national conversation about what it means to be American, through the eyes of the people who want it most.” Worsoff is best known for producing the A&E reality show Duck Dynasty.
Lmao shut the fuck up. Rob Worsoff? Lmfao. Fitting name.
this is just going to be entrapment isn’t it
This is just like Squid Game.
