I do read your comments and often relate and empathize and feel for you a lot. But my brain makes me struggle to communicate, or sometimes I’m not able to at all, so I usually am not able to reply to comments, even when I REALLY want to. I have thoughts and things I want to say and reply to you with but my brain won’t cooperate. And I really want to reply to your comments but my brain is like “haha, no, fuck you! You will sit here staring at the screen and crying due to your inability to put your thoughts into words that make sense! And people will continue to feel alone!” and I hate it especially because I know how bad it feels when you post a vulnerable comment when you’re suffering and no one says anything… I don’t even know if this makes any sense and I hate that I can’t make the words to match my thoughts in reply to what you’re actually saying and experiencing!!! But I want you to know that I care about you and feel for you and want better for you, because you deserve better, even though I’m not able to be a human and reply and converse and stuff. This is probably a shit-ass comment but I think I’m gonna send it anyway in hopes that you know someone really is fully reading your comments and cares a lot. I am so sorry for your suffering, I hate it. I have so much love for you!! & I hope this doesn’t come off as weird or anything, aaaaaaaa!
I’m guessing I’m not the only one in a situation like this. Just know that the lack of replies likely doesn’t even have anything to do with you, but just that we’re all different levels and types of disabled and lots of us just can’t. But my brain is hard on me, too, like it sounds like yours is, so I understand where you’re coming from. <3 I wish you all the best!!
I am so sorry, but I need to vent, and the only person I talk to has disappeared with no notice (probably just overwhelmed with life stuff but I hope they’re okay. I’m worried.)
I am in overwhelming pain. My chronic intractable pain has been so much worse lately. Probably at least partially due to stress because everything is fucked. I can’t afford my next pain medicine refill, and I’m nearly out, and the friend that disappeared usually helps me cover it. I’m disabled and can’t work and have literally no money. So I’m just fucked. Even WITH the meds, I’ve been struggling to handle the pain and it’s scary. I genuinely don’t know how I’m going to survive without any kind of pain control. Not to mention the withdrawal. I am scared. I am scared I am going to get overstimulated and overwhelmed from the pain that I go all stereotypical autistic meltdown and shutdown and bash my fists into my head and hurt myself, and I feel ashamed and weak that I can’t just deal with it like a normal person. I don’t know what to do. I’m so stressed and in pain and anxious I’m dealing with dissociation, depersonalization, derealization way more often than usual. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how I’m going to survive. I don’t know. I’m fucking scared, I can’t take this pain. I’m sorry for whining and being weak especially when so many have it so much worse than me. I don’t even know if this makes sense. I can’t think.