bolshevikLovelace [she/her, love/loves]

i’ve decided that i want to start prepping for bottom surgery. i’ve been researching clinics here and overseas, looking at health insurance, figuring out what other prep i have to do, etc. for the last few weeks. while i think i could get better results for about the same cost in Thailand, i think i would be more comfortable being able to do recovery at home and avoiding flights/accomodation

since that’s the case, i’ll need to have top cover insurance for 12 months before the surgery - which lines up with the 12 months (minimum?) of recommended hair removal. i got the insurance sorted earlier in the week and thought that i may as well start getting laser done too (clinic said that a course of laser along with electrolysis to finish up should suffice). i spent a couple hours shaving the area yesterday and jesus christ, i felt like complete shit and had nicked myself a few times too (if anyone has advice for shaving their girl balls do tell). i’ve been able to keep the bottom dysphoria at manageable levels but, since it’s the only thing i’ve been thinking about lately, it’s been getting a bit worse

anyways, i was anxious as fuck for the laser - despite the girls there being wonderful for my normal face/bikini sessions - but i explained the situation and it all went very normally. i didn’t get charged anything on top of my bikini cost and the laser tech was lovely the entire time, she even talked about her own struggles with getting Brazilian laser done. so, i’ll keep up the hair removal, pay for a psych to give their approval for what i do with my body, and maybe be posting about having a vag in 12+ months time if all goes to plan! i can’t wait to abuse the fuck out of my job’s gender affirmation leave too

seriously though, it’s hilarious thinking back to Christine warning Steph in the cells that the program isn’t designed for people like her. i mean they even started the whole Dorley 2.0 with a (non-forced) trans woman in Ashley

ooh i’m excited to see what happens with Raph! though i don’t have much hope for Ollie…

and the fucking twist with Will?? genuinely one of the most surprising moments i’ve read yet. it was obvious he was repressing something but i did not at all expect him to be trans. i guess Tabitha does have a knack for finding and cracking eggs though, maybe i should have known

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA i knew it was coming but omgggg

Bethany Erin is an adorable name and i’m so fucking happy for her. kinda funny how stock standard Dorley material she is, but that also means she’s by far not as alone as she thought she was

oh and Amy, of all people, being the one to make Melissa and Shahida finally kiss was perfect. i really hope Abby reaches out soon though

tall girl struggles

it’s kinda funny when you hold the women’s bathroom door open and someone walks under your arm though

fyi i’m a terrible reader, Nevada was the first book i’ve read in years and even then i only listened to the audiobook. for Dorley though, i’ve been borrowing my partner’s eReader and the writing has kept me hooked the entire time. i’ve certainly tried to read other novels previously - i think the last one i managed was The Hobbit back in HS - but i care so much for this story that it’s been keeping me up until 3am every single night

i don’t have much to write about book 1 but it was incredibly captivating. i’m a bit embarrassed for initially shipping Steph and Chrstine but Paige hadn’t been introduced yet and they were literally the first two characters we see kiss (i got ahead of myself).

the moment where the whole lie comes undone at the end of book 1 is incredibly cathartic. these girls are fucking terrible liars and, since Bea isn’t a total bitch, there aren’t any serious consequences to the whole endeavour. Christine doesn’t have to lie to Paige, Pippa and Steph can be the sisters they both need, everyone at Dorley can feel a little bit better about force-femming boys since they now have their “first walk-in!” Steph’s now able to be open about her struggles to the older Dorley girls and given her own room where she can experiment with make-up, clothes, and voice training ahead of schedule. this allows her to finally admit to herself that yes, she is indeed a girl. and that no, she does not need someone else’s permission to claim that.

a lot goes down in the second book, my favourite being Steph and Aaron’s budding romance. Melissa’s backstory was tragic as fuck and deserves all those CWs included at the beginning. it’s heartbreaking to know that hers is the story of so many struggling trans kids (minus being wisped away and offered free estrogen) and by the end i was just left so fucking angry at the bullshit medical system that could have done literally anything to help her. oh and that ending was unbelievable, i have no idea where all that’s going to go but i’m very excited to find out.

overall - i’m so fucking dorleypilled lmao. i wish could live in a house full of dysfunctional but caring trans(-adjacent)fems, mentors(/kidnappers), and ironic mugs that make guests uncomfortable. there’s a lot personal shit this brought out but i’ll save that for another another time, i mainly just wanted to say that i love this story so goddamn much…

this was one of my favourite bits:

One night, a woman had a dream. She dreamed she was walking along the beach with her auntie. Across the sky flashed scenes from the last several months of her life, and for each scene, she noticed two sets of footprints in the sand; one belonged to her, and the other to her auntie.

When the last scene flashed before her, she looked back at the footprints in the sand, and noticed that many times along the path of her life there was only one set of footprints. In the lowest and most difficult parts of her life, it seemed, she walked alone.

“Auntie,” she said, “you said that once I came to you, you’d walk with me all the way. But when I look back at my life, I see that you left me to face my greatest hardships alone.”

“My precious child,” her auntie replied, “I love you and would never leave you. When you see but one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you.”

“Thank you, auntie,” the woman said, looking back again and deriving great comfort from the view, until she saw something in the distance, just before the longest stretch of solo footprints. Puzzled, she asked, “Auntie? What are those little lumps in the sand back there?”

“Oh,” her auntie replied, “those are your balls. Sorry about that.”

yes!!! i was like “thank fuck, finally Steph - took you long enough,” the last couple lines in that chapter* had me sobbing happy tears though. i’m a couple chapters after that and it’s so sweet watching her blossom, open up, and gain so much more confidence!

i’m also kicking my feet squealing whenever i read Aaron’s POV, he’s so obviously crushing on Steph but has so much internal shit to get over first

*here: