“All bodies are unique and essential. All bodies have strengths and needs that must be met. We are powerful, not despite the complexities of our bodies, but because of them. All bodies are confined by ability, race, gender, sexuality, class, nation state, religion, and more, and we cannot separate them.”
From “What is Disability Justice” (Adapted from Patty Berne’s “Disability Justice – A Working Draft”, Published in Skin, Tooth, and Bone: The Basis of Movement is Our People, A Disability Justice Primer, Second Edition.
As always, we ask that in order to participate in the weekly megathread, one self-identifies as some form of disabled, which is broadly defined in the community sidebar:
“Disability” is an umbrella term which encompasses physical disabilities, emotional/psychiatric disabilities, neurodivergence, intellectual/developmental disabilities, sensory disabilities, invisible disabilities, and more. You do not have to have an official diagnosis to consider yourself disabled.
Mask up, love one another, and stay alive for one more week.
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I’m going to reply to both your posts here.
School stress post:
As a fellow 30 something year-old, I agree that being around and interacting with younger people is a little different and at the risk of sounding like an “OLD” kinda hard. This feeling is definitely exasperated by our neurodiversity and while I can’t say that I know what it feels like to be enby, I’m sure that contributes to it as well. After all we live in an incredibly patriarchal society that punishes anyone who does not stay in the box they were assigned. Maybe you’re internalizing that and it perhaps leads you to feel weird and like some kind of “creep with ill intent” as you say.
On your question about making friends and the age gap dilemma, is your main concern with being seen as wanting to date them or more so the assumption of younger people not wanting anything to do with an older person?
Post reply rejection:
As someone who spends a lot of time in their head and rarely shares my opinion with others IRL, the few times I do post online and receive little to no engagement kind of bums me out. I don’t know how to explain it but it kind of makes me think that I really am a big weirdo with unpopular opinions and it takes me right back to high school. I try to forget about it by doing something else but that is definitely not the healthiest way to deal with that whole deal.
Good luck at school and on your journey discovering your true self, comrade
spoiler
I assume that they see me as old and because I’m awkward and neurodivergent, socially inferior as a result. I want to fit in, I want to have things in common, age is an immediate visual differentiator. I assume that people look at me and instantly clock me as a guy who is in college but on older end. I don’t think I look 20. I assume that 20 year olds know the difference between them and myself. So before I’ve even talked to anyone, I already feel that I’m going to be older than everyone. The college demographic is 18-24, while there are older people, most of the students aren’t even 25. I don’t get a set of 100 kids my age to just flock to.
I mean my concern is being friends with someone and then catching feelings and then I find out how young they are, or they find out how old I am, and then we have to decide if we can mind the gap.
Idk, I guess the normal brain can just like, let things slide off it. I remember things. I’d love if I could magically forget everything, but I can’t.
more venting, I wrote a fragment of an 19th century speech on accident
despite my best efforts, I am indulging in food and drinks
I actually haven’t eaten since breakfast, I’m too frustrated and can’t get myself to move. It’s been like this all day, probably all week.
I keep hoping that maybe someone will step in, say something, but I’ve been fighting the call to the void for six years now. I wonder if it would come as relief to some in this community to not have to reckon with my poor writing anymore. We’re not in the business of giving people reasons to live, you know. It’s far more important that we pat ourselves on the back as we sink to the depths in our watery graves, lest anyone face the tantalizing thought that they ought have done more or said more to help their fellow human being. I affirm your misery, you affirm mine, and we do jack shit to improve the conditions upon which we have so sanctimoniously staked our lives, and our all too early deaths.
Certified Bad Post by SterlingPooper
how normal is it to feel rejection dysphoria when people don’t reply to your comments? because it can be frustrating when i’m posting with the intent of conversing and i get a couple of upvotes, and it’s like, did you really read this? i think you think you read it. i type most comments with the idea that someone might have something to say. but i like, want to delete every comment i make that doesn’t get a reply within say, 24 hours. i think it’s unfair that power users are like, loved and regarded, and the rest of us are just peasants hoping our shame and dysphoria is interesting enough to get some stranger to send an emote.
i just want to cope better as a neurodivergent person, as a queer person, but the site is unreceptive to those goals. don’t prop yourself up as a place for people who face these sorts of struggles and then have an attitude of “heh idk read a book, go outside, bother someone else” when people take that up in earnest.
but every comment i type, i’m like "nobody is going to read this. they think i’m faking, they think i’m a man in a dress, they think i’m playing dumb for sympathy, they think this and that and this" and every time nobody says anything those thoughts are all I have.
I said this in the trans mega, but I know how I would respond if I saw me, if I read my comments from an outside perspective.
I do read your comments and often relate and empathize and feel for you a lot. But my brain makes me struggle to communicate, or sometimes I’m not able to at all, so I usually am not able to reply to comments, even when I REALLY want to. I have thoughts and things I want to say and reply to you with but my brain won’t cooperate. And I really want to reply to your comments but my brain is like “haha, no, fuck you! You will sit here staring at the screen and crying due to your inability to put your thoughts into words that make sense! And people will continue to feel alone!” and I hate it especially because I know how bad it feels when you post a vulnerable comment when you’re suffering and no one says anything… I don’t even know if this makes any sense and I hate that I can’t make the words to match my thoughts in reply to what you’re actually saying and experiencing!!! But I want you to know that I care about you and feel for you and want better for you, because you deserve better, even though I’m not able to be a human and reply and converse and stuff. This is probably a shit-ass comment but I think I’m gonna send it anyway in hopes that you know someone really is fully reading your comments and cares a lot. I am so sorry for your suffering, I hate it. I have so much love for you!! & I hope this doesn’t come off as weird or anything, aaaaaaaa!
I’m guessing I’m not the only one in a situation like this. Just know that the lack of replies likely doesn’t even have anything to do with you, but just that we’re all different levels and types of disabled and lots of us just can’t. But my brain is hard on me, too, like it sounds like yours is, so I understand where you’re coming from. <3 I wish you all the best!!
I read your posts/comments every time I see them, and I upvote them too to make sure you know someone listened. I also sent hug emojis to let you know I care and don’t want you to feel alone. The reason why I don’t reply is mostly bc I don’t know what to say. You’re not a bad person, and your not a weirdo. You’re just as appreciated as everyone else here. However, I for one don’t know what would help you, and that’s what usually keeps me from replying. I would love to send you more than the occasional hug emoji. Maybe it’s just me, maybe I’m unable to grasp how you feel, but I do certainly want to try and make you feel heard and seen.
Please don’t think you’re not welcome here, bc you are.
When I first started college we had a few people in our year that were around 40. Honestly for people aged 30 I wouldn’t classify them as significantly older than the majority of our year that ranged between 17 and 25 with most people being between 18 and 20. The people that were on the older side usually found each other for socialising because people who are 18 can still behave kind of childish and as a full adult it can be tiring to only socialise with such young people.
However, there was no awkwardness at all around the age gaps and when it comes to talking about and working together on assignments we were all just classmates who wanted to score well. Usually the older people take the classes more seriously and then become friends with other students who take their classes seriously.
This dynamic is different between schools and countries but from my perspective it’s not you who will be weird for the younglings, it’s the younglings who will appear a bit childish to you. This holds even if you have less confidence and are less skilled in socialising with neurotypical people.