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Anyone have advice on how to deal with shame regarding not driving?
I have horrible adhd and pretty significant damage from covid (thanks for being super unsafe and giving it to me 3 times, dad), and the combination makes me extremely inattentive, insane brain fog, can’t pay attention to all the signs, multiple mirrors, other drivers, lights, etc. that come with driving and I’ve just decided I shouldn’t drive because I don’t want other people to be harmed or have to pay money I don’t have for any damages that may happen.
However at the same time I feel like there’s so much pressure and I won’t be fully free or adult without knowing how to drive. I’m 21 and super embarrassed even though I know it’s the logical and most wise course to take. I drive to and from work but I still have to get driven everywhere else by my mom or dad (usually my mom) and it’s kind of embarrassing, especially because people react so weird when I say I don’t drive as if driving isn’t a big deal and terrifying.
I have very solid plans to move to one of the biggest cities in the US (2 hours from me) and I know I will never have to drive again but I’m still feeling a bit inferior.
Sorry to ramble, I just tried to drive in semi busy conditions again and freaked out and had 2 rude drivers behind me throw me totally off. I just can’t keep up at all. My dad had to take over lol.
People can be really weird and judgmental to non-drivers. I remember one person on reddit calling me a loser because i don’t drive. When I told them I literally can’t drive because I’m partially sighted, they doubled down and insisted anyone who doesn’t drive is a loser. Glad to know being disabled makes me a loser.
That person can go sit in syrup.
Haha, this is from a comfort show I watch all the time. They have the best/weirdest insults and I love it!
Which show is that?
Bob’s Burgers, it has so many great one liners
Omg I’ve watched that show so many times and didn’t even catch that it was a bobs burgers reference🤦♂️
It’s Linda talking about Tammy in one of the earlier seasons :) there’s so many quotable lines from that show
Driving is incredibly stressful, and if it weren’t absolutely necessary I’d ditch it entirely! It’s not a strange or weird thing to want to avoid it, nor does it make you any lesser of a person. Car brain worms run deep, but what’s more important is your comfort and safety. As for dealing with the shame, I suppose it might help to reframe how you and others around you are approaching the topic. For you, driving doesn’t make sense and isn’t really a viable option for travel, and that’s just fine. It seems a bit ableist and maybe even a bit classist to give looks or judge people on not driving everywhere. Not everyone can afford cars or physically meet requirements to get behind the wheel. If you’re getting unwanted feedback or questions about why, it might help to have a quick response ready, like “my disability makes it difficult” or even “it’s just not my thing” (when referring to driving). And no apologies needed, we’re here to support one another as best we can.
I’m sorry you have to deal with all that judgement. I’m avoiding driving too because I think it’s terrifying and I regret ever getting a license. You’re doing the right thing, acknowledging your limits and prioritizing safety, both yours and others. Remind yourself of that and keep telling people off who try to shame you for it. I also really hope that moving to the bigger city will help
Thank you, having so many people reply has made me feel a lot better
Happy to help in what little way we can
I’ve been driving for 30 years now. I’ll tell you this with absolute confidence - if I could move to a city where I wouldn’t ever have to drive because I could bike and take public transport, I would do it in a HEARTBEAT. I cannot express to you how fucking miserable driving is down here. No one knows what they’re doing and, even worse, no one knows where they’re going! Covid caused all the frontal lobe damage to the drivers and they only make you renew your drivers license every 8 10 years here. I spend half my time on the road white knuckling it and yelling out my front windshield ‘GREEN MEANS GO!’ and "YOU’RE NOT SUPPOSED TO TRY TO RUN INTO ME’ while furiously honking the horn so they’ll realize that their gigantic piece of shit car isn’t supposed to be doing what they’re attempting to do.
Not to mention, you have to pay for car insurance which is a small fortune.
If anyone gives you shit about it just tell them to suck your dick. Or, if you’re less confrontational about it, tell them you’re “legally blind”. Make up any old shit, who gives a fuck!
As to feeling inferior, just remember that every single dumb motherfucker that you’ve ever met in your life has a drivers license and drives a car.