Hiya, is it alright if I vent about some additional mental stuff I just realized a bit ago (even though I prob should’ve realized it much sooner)? Just wanna make sure I’m not intruding, don’t think I’ve posted here on any of my old accounts

The price of my meds went up. Roughly 240 american dollars for my monthly dose of just one of my pills, and these used to be my cheap meds. Mumble grumble. I’ll manage. But damn.

I’m going to see a psychiatrist so I can get more testing for autism. Maybe I could pull up the essay I wrote about why I think im audhd.

as always, i wish you all the very best and hope for good things to come to you, whatever that may mean for you

i have once again defeated a psychiatrist in the battle of being too complicated for them to diagnose

I got the results of my scan for the shockwave treatment today. The damage to my leg and ankle is even more extensive than first thought. And they said they need to do another scan to do the foot because they think the damage extends further into the foot. The appointment for that scan in on Wednesday then I’ll hear when the shockwave therapy will begin. But this will be more expensive and eat into the donations I was given for the shockwave therapy. I’m also not having much luck getting donations for my transport situation. I need £400 and received a total of £61, which I’m grateful for of course, but because the car isn’t fixed and I had a hospital appointment today I had to spend £24 of it getting taxis there and back. I have another hospital appointment in a hospital the next town over tomorrow, I’ll have to use the rest getting a taxi there and back. That puts the fund for the car repairs back down to zero and means I still have no transport to my future hospital appointments. What am I going to do? You have to pay for hospital transport anyway and it’s too late to book it for my next upcoming appointments. I’ve already had to cancel an endocrinology appointment because of this. Why does everything always have to be so difficult and expensive?

I wish they would just legalise assisted suicide here. I hate the hypocrisy of them claiming they care too much about us to let us die, while they don’t care enough to make sure we can access enough food and medical treatment.

Positivity update but I got an apartment locked in. I got a ton of stuff to do ahead of time though. After the last 48 hours, I’m honestly looking forward to getting out of this shitty situation. Shit was perfectly fine 3 weeks ago and idk what the fuck happened. Roommate applications are now open for goth metalhead socialists though. But ya gotta like deathcore. No hate.

Tiny caveat about the apartment that I do need to figure out but I want to run ethernet directly to my computer so I no longer have to deal with Linux wifi shit and idk where the drop is.

I really, really fucking hate that neurotypicals have latched onto the “you people can’t do anything” tweet because it just gives them an excuse to be ableist by referencing funny meme. I also hate that neurodivergents are using it as motivation because it is literally just shaming people for being disabled. You are not pathetic for being affected by your disability.

It’s so evil how something going wrong in life puts you on a downward spiral where everything just gets worse and worse. Get an illness? That’s not enough on its own, now you also have side effects from medications and poverty from being unable to work. And then being so poor leads to more bad outcomes, worse health, malnutrition, homelessness or insecure housing. Or, for instance, suffer a traumatic incident? That’s not enough on its own, now you develop PTSD and struggle to function, your whole life goes down the pan. Have a poverty-stricken childhood? Now you’re less likely to get a good education, less likely to earn enough money and even grow up with lower cognitive development, more mental health issues and more long-term health problems, all of which affect your life outcomes. And the lower you sink, the more society despises you and the less of a support network you have. Why is our society set up to make people’s lives worse when they have problems already?

Oh, and I seem to have developed incurable BO. For the past few days, my armpits stink no matter how much I wash them or how much deodorant I use. Is this an age thing? I was already an old hag, now it seems I’m becoming a smelly old hag.

No discussion of the most recent struggle session, I had a very brief look at it and now I need a hug

I’m cursed in that I can only asleep while scrolling the internet (usually lemmy). But the internet is full of distressing content and sometimes I encounter something that makes me so distressed that I can’t fall asleep at all. Real gen Z shit.

I’m making pilaf.

so tired of being so tired

I guess I get to move out of my house and find someplace else to live.

School is back soon. I don’t know how I’ll deal with having a real schedule again.