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I have AuDHD. I got dx at 30 for ADHD, then everyone kept asking me if I am autistic other than family after meds, it may be some kind of OCD (mom is dx), hard to say, lots of overlap. Medication just made the other stuff more obvious. Regardless, I am very, very exhausted from the rage of feeling misunderstood for so long, but happy to slow down and figure out how to work with it. It cost me a lot of people in my life, but I am far less anxious. The only problem is, trying to motivate myself without the anger lol. I still get mega pissed off with family members not recognizing it. I am trying to unlearn people pleasing.
Hey, stop calling me out!
I always thought my problems as a child were due to a bad TBI when I was 7. And it certainly didn’t help, but my half century of archetypal ADD induced issues would have been nice to know about at some point in an official/helpful capacity.
As an absolutely autistic person whose parents didn’t bother to get it diagnosed, I really do disagree. Diagnoses are basically just descriptive labels that can help identify potentially useful treatments, that’s it; they’re not some magical blame receptacle.
I think my greatest issue with this post is it implies that if you DON’T have a diagnosable mental condition, but still struggle, then it must inherently mean that you’re stupid, weak annoying, unloveable etc.
But I also think a child will conclude that they’re stupid … unloveable etc, if that’s how they’re taught to feel, with or without a diagnosis. I had many struggles, but my parents never ‘expected’ me to be “normal”, they just supported me and we worked out shit as it happened - my struggles were a result of a variety of behaviours specific to me, my personality, my flavour of autism, etc.
But this is the same for every human being to ever live. A diagnosis might’ve described some of those behaviours, but what would that have changed? I’ll be honest - I’m glad my parents didn’t get me diagnosed, they feared that would just place a wholly new unhelpful expectation on me, and I think they were right.
Obviously a lot of people absolutely benefit from diagnosis, not knocking it, but I also don’t think they’re automatically helpful in all circumstances.
I agree somehwat. If people did not hate unusual or different behaviors and treat others poorly as a result, then kids without a diagnosis would not have a problem. But teachers and parents frequently get super frustrated with ADHD kids, and I have never recovered from how it made me feel as a kid, even decades later.
That’s very true. Maybe their real use is to change other peoples’ perception. But that’s very… sad to need a diagnosis to do.
Edit: Please stop downvoting the above because it’s an alternate opinion. Lets not make this place reddit.
And I agree with it because you’re only looking at it from a medical perspective. Look at it from the kids perspective. Maybe it didn’t hit you like this, but it DEFINITELY hit me like this.
I had no idea what was going on.
All I knew was that I was different from everyone else. I couldn’t figure out why. No one was talking about it. Anytime I tried to figure out why or ask questions I was met with things that just left me more confused. Things that I’d try to understand but couldn’t. I spent most of my life thinking I was broken because I couldn’t grasp anything that others took for granted. All of that internalized confusion and hatred went back at myself because I didn’t have anything to point to. All I knew was that something was different from everything else but I didn’t know why. In not knowing why, I came up with negative reasons. Partially because my parents were terrible, true, but also just because that’s what I was being told by everyone else in society too. It’s not just what your parents are going to teach you how to feel. It’s also how society treats you and how they’re going to look at you when you’re asking those questions.
Me not having a diagnosis as a child led to decades of confusion and self hatred because I couldn’t find my place in the world. Very little of that had to do with how my parents raised me and how society treats someone who is different. Giving me an answer suddenly closed those questions and allowed me to start enjoying my life instead of analyzing it.
I can sympathise with that experience, I guess I can sort of see why you found it helpful. But aye, it certainly doesn’t reflect my own, at all.
Thanks for the understanding and open response <3
Oh absolutely. Not saying it’s universal. But can definitely be helpful to a lot of us. <3
Hey just because I have diagnosis does not mean that I’m not objectively annoying.
I got diagnosed with ADHD when I was 6 and still concluded I am stupid, weak, annoying, and unlovable.
TBH people don’t really “have” these things. People exhibit “symptoms” that are described as these things. For me it’s the difference between “having a disorder” (helpless, exploitable) and “having a natural reaction to a dysfunctional society” (aware, empowered).
Plenty of disorders are not helpful or rational reactions to a dysfunctional society. Natural, maybe, but that doesn’t say much. It’s one thing to be sad or angry about capitalism, another entirely to hear voices coming from the walls or think your loved ones have been replaced by body doubles.
Other than getting access to medication, I’ve personally never quite understood what difference a diagnosis makes. Having an ADHD diagnosis is an explanation, not excuse. My dishes will remain undone independent of whether it’s due to laziness or executive dysfunction. What matters is what is, not why it is.
Wait, I’m supposed to think I’m not those things if I know about my condition?
You’re supposed to think your condition is those things and that you aren’t your condition, rather you are you (whomever that may be), affected by a condition.
For me there was a difference between “I’m all the shitty things I know myself to be” and then finding out about my definite ADHD / possible autism. My mindset changed from “I am the unmanageable problem” to "I have some problems that can be addressed ". Helped me quite a bit to have a little shift in paradigm.
